CESL  TODAY

Volume 62, Term 055, August-October
Center for English as a Second Language
Southern Illinois University at Carbondale
Carbondale, Il 62901-4518

[Vol. 62 home] [Carbondale Halloween][Music] [Poetry][Learning English in Carbondale [People around the world][Grammar quizzes on the web][contributors][CESL Today Home]

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Alternative Lifestyles

Staying Single

Staying single is one of the alternative life styles in the USA; in recent years the numbers of Americans who like to stay single has been increasing. Discovery Health Online has interviewed Dorian Solot, who is a director of The Alternatives to Marriage Projects, to figure out some information about the unmarried movement among Americans at http://health.discovery.com, and she gave the percentages of people who are unmarried, but she said these numbers are not true for staying single because you must like to be together without being married. Also she talked about some reasons for staying single and how this is not big problem for having good children.

For knowing more about the staying single style I asked a 37-year-old American male about his opinion; he is single and he doesn't plan to live with someone together. He thinks to have your freedom even in very tiny things is important; he told me "the best thing in the world is to come down from your bed from which site that you want, to have your dinner when and where! As you like without a lot of questions and stories during the meal timeŠŠŠ.To have your freedom, stay single". He thinks there are some disadvantages of staying single and they are not that bad, but he didn't name them for me. When I asked him about his life when he getting very old, if he doesn't have someone to take care of him, he said this not a problem, because he can go to the nursing home, and in this point he thinks to be single is good for him, that he can make a lot of savings so he can go to the best nursing home and get much better care, but if he chooses to be with someone, his partner will get old, so she can't take care of him, and if he has children they will be busy about their life and they may send him to a nursing home anyway. Also I asked a 22-year-old American lady who is single, but she postpones having a husband or boyfriend till she is in her 30s. She believes she can get her freedom if she is with someone that she loves and they understand each other very well, and she think it is not important which alternative life style you are in to be successful in your life.

These are just very personal opinions; I don't think they are telling us why some American people have been chosen the single-hood life style; they may be reasonable or not, but the fact is to be single has become very normal in American society.
Widad

Staying Single

In http://health.discovery.com/ centers/loverelationships/article/single.html, half of people choose staying single now. More women are unmarried (48%) than men (44%). In the 1950s and 1960s, men were marrying at 23, and women at 20. In 1998, it was only slightly higher, 27 for men and 25 for women. The reason for staying single is women no longer need husbands to support them, and men no longer need wives to cook and clean. Divorce rate is 50%. In Japan, 25-29 year old women's unmarried percentage is 54% and 25-29 year old men's is 69.5%. Unmarried-for-life women are 5.8% and men are 12.4%. The reason for staying single is the same reason for men and women. They think, act, and live freely. The divorce rate is 30%. Staying single and divorce rate will increase. Most of my classmates said staying single is freedom. They can save money, they don't have to worry about anyone and it's not necessary to pay attention etc. But they think staying single is lonely and they can't speak to anyone. My opinion for staying single is the same opinion as my classmates. In America, 50% of people choose staying single and 50% of the married people divorce. It is interesting for me to look at these result.

I asked 2 Americans, Kim and Melissa. They had similar opinions. Kim said permanently single people don't know anyone who they would like to have a romantic relationship with and they can be content by themselves, but they are lonely. Melissa said permanently single people don't want to have trouble and they can live more easily, but they are lonely. Both of them think staying single is lonely, and my classmates had the same reason too. In America half of people want to be unmarried, but Kim and Melissa seem to want marriage. I think 2 Americans and my classmates had similar answers and I think so too. My class is international, so opinion of staying single is common worldwide, I thought. I was interested in these reasons.
-Chiemi Fukunaga

Staying Single

I read the website "Unmarried America: Equal Benefits For Singles". According to the website, there are 87 million unmarried and single adults. Some of them have complaints against penalties for them. For example, there is the pension. If a married worker dies before starting to recieve the benefit, a surviving spouse can inherit them. But, for singles, their money goes back into the pot. Some classmates said people stay single because they can avoid problems of husband and children and enjoy their single life. The biggest benefit is to have free time for themselves and the hardest part is being lonely.

I asked two Americans these four questions. 1. Do you know anyone who plans to stay single forever? 2. Why do they prefer that option? 3. What do you think are the biggest benefits of staying single? 4. What is the hardest part of staying single? Neither of them know anyone who plans to stay single forever. John said people stay single because they don't want to dedicate themselves to one person. The biggest benefit is they have more freedom for themselves and the hardest part is being lonely. Brandon said people stay single because they can save money. The biggest benefit is they can't get a broken heart. And the hardest part is they have to cook. Their answers were similar to that of classmates. I think most young American people want to get married, because they were puzzled to find answers for these questions. Both of them said questions were very difficlt to answer. I think they haven't thought about staying single.
-Saori Tabuchi, AE2

Stepfamilies

A stepfamily is a family in which one or both of the adult partners bring children from a previous relationship, in other words when the father or mother of a child remarried. People use the term "Stepfamily" because this term means "working together with the expanded family memebers." Being in a stepfamily could have problems and the biggest problem is the relationship between the stepson and the stepmother or stepfather and especially te discipline. Although ther are some tips taht can help to make a good relationship with the stepchild and be succesful: communication, spend alone time together, be honest and open, all members of the stepfamily need to get to know each other well before a remarrege take place.

According to my survey about how American people think concerning stepfamilies, people in the US are more open minded about being in a stepfamily than International people; Americans think that the main problem is focused in the relationship with the stepmother or stepfather and the stepson, mostly with discipline; Americans people think that to be in a a stepfamily and to be successful the adult and the stepchild need to have a good communication as a friends, and explain to the kid that he or she is not taking he place of his/her mom or dad, and the members of the famil need to have activities where all of them can participate and fell like a real family again. I you are thinking of remariage and you need help there is a group named Stepfamily Association of America (SAA).
-Hoi Lin, AE2

Communes

Twin Oaks

100 People Sharing Our Lives

"Twin Oaks is an intentional community in rural central Virginia, made up of around 85 adult members and 15 children. Since the community's beginning in 1967, our way of life has reflected our values of cooperation, sharing, nonviolence, equality, and ecology. We do not have a group religion; our beliefs are diverse. We do not have a central leader; we govern ourselves by a form of democracy with responsibility shared among various managers, planners, and committees. We are self-supporting economically, and partly self-sufficient. We are income-sharing. Each member works 42 hours a week in the community's business and domestic areas. Each member receives housing, food, healthcare, and personal spending money from the community." (using "www.twinoaks.org")

Why do they prefer to choose such a closed life style? Such different lifestyle has reflected what questions are in our life. There are two features in current society- busy and isolated, even though our life is more convenient and that communication is more improvable. For this reason, some people want to search or establish a new society which is ordinary and relative, Twin Oaks Intention Community just as well. However, if you want to get such a quality life, you need to lose something. For example, you won't own more individual money and private housing if you want to live here. So the system doesn't fit for anybody. Most my classmates have no intention to live in communes even though this life will improve their spiritual life. Especially, privacy seems to be the strongest reason they refuse. Thus it can be seen, privacy is the most important requirement to housing so a good commune should put in time and effort to privacy. When you are pleased with giving up your privacy and sharing lots of something, and you can try to live in Twin Oaks Intentional Community. Maybe it will be your Utopia.

In my interview for living in communes, the first person said, "The biggest disadvantage is separation from the world." "The biggest advantage is being close with people." Another said, "The biggest disadvantage is too much strict." "The biggest advantage is nothing because it is evil." There is a common opinion between them- People who live in this community are controlled, no real freedom. Really, many regulations put on these residents so that they could own cooperation, sharing, nonviolence, equality, and ecology. It's very interesting that the community is giving us a picture filled with peace, love, and health but you also lost freedom. Can we command the best life losing freedom? At least, I'm seeing "100 people" who think so. In my opinion, it seems to practice Marxism, and these people can fit and enjoy this life. Eventually, I think that there is no system that can make the best life for everyone but different systems fit different people. As some people like to live in Carbondale, others don't. So it's the most important to seek this lifestyle fitting you.
-Man Jung

Characteristics of an Ideal Spouse

Yoomin's List

1. good housekeeper
2. kindness and understanding
3. exciting personality
4. intelligence
5. good health
6. desire for children
7. good earning capacity
8. physical attractiveness
9. college graduate
10. religious orientation

My perfect husband- by Yui

1. kidness and understanding
2. intelligence
3. physical attractiveness
4. adaptability
5. college graduate
6. good health
7. desire for children
8. creativity
9. good earning capacity
10. exciting personality

My perfect husband - by Kung

My perfect husband is
1. kindness and understanding
2. adaptability
3. creativity
4. good health
5. exciting personality
6. good earning capacity
7. intelligence
8. physical attractiveness
9. college graduate
10. good housekeeper

My Characteristics sought in mates by H.H

Rank choices 01 kindness, respecting & understanding
02 intelligence
03 physical attractiveness
04 good health
05 creativity
06 adaptability
07 good housekeeper
08 exciting personality
09 good heredity
10 desire for children

Rank of mate selection by J.D.

1. religious orientation
2. feeling
3. adaptability
4. exciting personality
5. kindness and understanding each other
6. shoud be like pet
7. like travel
8. good health
9. desire for children
10. intelligence

My perfect woman (Choi)

1. person who can match well with me.
2. exciting personality
3. comfortable person
4. kindness to other people
5. person who can make me smile
6. good health
7. knowing me very well
8. good house keeper
9. good cook
10. creativity

Rank of Mate Selection - by Minho

1. Kindness and understanding.
2. cheerful personality.
3. beauty
4. intelligence
5. exciting personality
6. good health
7. income - job
8. had never been marriage - because I'm first.
9. younger than me.
10. doesn't need a kid.
11. to love travel.
12. to love to watch movies

- My name is Minho Park.

My perfect husband - Soo Jin

1. kindness and understanding
2. good health
3. intelligence
4. good earnig capacity
5. colleage graduation
6. exciting personality
7. adaptability
8. religious orientation
9. physical attractiveness
10. creativity

Rank of Mate Selection - by Eric

1. Kindness and understanding
2. Intelligence
3. Physical attractiveness
4. Exciting personality
5. Good health
6. Religious orientation
7. Beautiful face and bodyshape
8. Younger than me
9. Desire for children
10.Good housekeeper

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